Say ahoy to Cap’n Portcrash!
She’s a pirate captain unrivaled among pirate captains. No adventure is too exciting for her, no ocean on any planet is too wide. Yes, you heard right: no ocean on any planet! Because another known fact is that Portcrash has really traveled far and wide across the universe. No-one knows exactly where she comes from or how old she is. ⠀
With her ship, she can cast anchor anywhere she likes, and explore strange and distant galaxies with her daring crew, meeting creatures like carnival whales, data octopuses, cabbage-steaming ships and flocks of flutes. ⠀
She’s a wild buccaneer through and through, and that means she’s always at loggerheads with the stuffy, suit-wearing, rule-bound officials on Rescue Island. ⠀
Cap’n Portcrash loves barbecued sausages, cheesecake and pirate karaoke. She’s charming, chaotic, a mad genius, and there’s only one thing she can’t stand at all: ⠀
Say ahoy to Fred!
Fred is Cap’n Portcrash’s best buddy.⠀
The two have known each other forever and have shared quite a few funky adventures. Just as in the case of Cap’n Portcrash, no-one is completely sure where Fred comes from or what planet he grew up on.
Fred is often the person who tries to make Portcrash see sense when, once again, she decides to interpret the rules, statutes, and laws of Rescue Island in her own unique way – or if she simply ignores them. ⠀
Mostly though, his spirited best friend gets her own stubborn way, and that ends with monotonous regularity in the kind of wrangling and bickering you’d normally expect from squabbling starfish, crabby kittiwakes, grumbling gulls or very old married couples. ⠀
Fred hasn’t got any particular job on board, but is a good handyman and often helps throw the anchor.⠀
Unlike Portcrash, he can’t stand cheesecake.
Say ahoy to Bosun!
Bosun keeps Cap’n Portcrash’s ship in order, which is a tall order with a wild and wooly pirate crew on board. ⠀
You’ll often see Bosun waving a feather duster around or come across him with an enormous laundry basket under his arm.⠀
Bosun comes from Planet G in the Galaxy of Musical Notes. As a child he started attending the best dancing school in the universe there. Dancing is Bosun’s great passion. In fact, he’s the reigning World Champion in Pirate Limbo-Hula-Boogie, which is absolutely the most difficult dance that you can imagine. ⠀
When you see Bosun on the dancefloor, it’s hard to imagine that he’s normally very reserved and a bit of a daydreamer as well.
Apart from his great love, dancing, there are not many things that interest Bosun, apart from freshly-ironed clothes with a perfect fit. ⠀
No matter how tricky a situation the crew find themselves in, no single hair is ever out of place on Bosun’s head. He never gets dirty and there are no wrinkles or creases in his clothes. Even if thrown out of his bunk in the middle of the night, he’s always perfectly groomed. ⠀⠀
Bosun joined Cap’n Portcrash’s crew because her ship’s deck has such a beautiful resonance for tap-dancing.
Say ahoy to Deckscrubber!
On Cap’n Portcrash’s ship you can eat the cream herrings right off the deck, it’s so clean. That’s thanks to Deckscrubber, who painstakingly scrubs away the teeniest spots of dirt the live-long day. ⠀
Deckscrubber has the mentality of a hippy after three days of Woodstock, which means he has excellent taste in music but communicating with him can be very difficult at times. ⠀
He was washed up in an empty fruit cocktail barrel in the Liverpool docks, where Portcrash happened to be lying at anchor. He couldn’t remember where he came from, or how he had got into the barrel, or even what he was called. ⠀
Cap’n Portcrash fished him out of the water with the help of a long-handled deck scrub brush, and he immediately joined her crew. This all happened about 398 years ago.
Say ahoy to Decibelle!
Decibelle is the tiny, delicate, graceful elf. Her fragile appearance is in sharp contrast with her unbelievably loud voice, however.⠀⠀
Her behavior isn’t all that elfin either. She’s fearless, hot-tempered, and she’s constantly picking fights. ⠀
Since Decibelle is looking for trouble most of the time and never stands still, she uses up massive amounts of energy and is always hungry, which makes her even crankier.
Desserts are her favorite food, and she can wolf them down at unbelievable speed, even when the helpings are twice the size that she is. ⠀
Decibelle also adores loud rock music, especially heavy metal. She loves nothing more than going to live concerts with Deckscrubber and flinging herself into the mosh pit. When it comes to heavy metal pirate karaoke, she is the unbeaten champion. ⠀
She freaks out immediately if you confront her with recorders, violins, or harps. ⠀
Cap’n Portcrash’s first encounter with Decibelle was a rather violent one. Portcrash was pulling Deckscrubber out of the harbor basin at precisely the same moment that Decibelle – who had started an air-guitar brawl in the pirate karaoke bar in Liverpool – was thrown out by the bouncer with such force that she crashed right onto Portcrash’s head, cursing and swearing at the top of her voice.
Say ahoy to Anchordropper!
Anchordropper is a man like a tree. He’s strong and calm and nothing can rock his boat.⠀
When it comes to anchoring ships, no-one can beat him for competence. He has exactly the right anchor for every possible condition, and will find somewhere to anchor in the most impossible places. ⠀
The only things that ruffle his temper are flat-bottomed boats and dry docks, because they are totally opposed to his great passion, the science of anchoring. ⠀
Anchordropper has only recently become a member of Portcrash’s crew. Before that, he worked in the central anchor permit authority office on Rescue Island. But after just one week on the job, he realized that he couldn’t stand folders or business suits and decided to follow his passion and work in anchor dropping instead.
By sheer chance, Cap’n Portcrash happened to be passing and heard the rousing speech against bureaucracy and for creativity and the pursuit of dreams that Anchordropper gave in front of the central anchor permit authority office right after his resignation. Naturally, Portcrash offered him a job on the spot.
Say ahoy to Helmsman!
Helmsman is the rather snooty-seeming driver of Cap’n Portcrash’s boat. He learnt his helmsmanship skills at the Universiry of Sandfjord and Whale and has the finest of manners. He is always awfully polite and self-disciplined.
If you get to know him better though, you soon discover that he’s an incredibly funny guy with a quirky, dry brand of humor. He’s completely open and always willing to help. ⠀
Helmsman only loses his cool if someone brings up the subject of autopiloting systems. Nothing but new-fangled gimmicks that nobody needs, that’s his opinion. ⠀
That’s just what he told Cap’n Portcrash the first time he met her, too. After his studies, Helmsman had decided not to follow the usual path and join the navy, but instead, he started his own water-taxi business, and called it Scuber. He had just sold his business idea for a tidy profit in California when he met Portcrash, who had put into San Francisco Bay to have some routine maintenance work done on the hamster drive. . ⠀
When the local mechanics offered to build in a beta version of an autopilot so that Portcrash could test it, Helmsman made a snap decision to join the crew, so they’d “also have a reliable steering system on board,” as he put it.
Say ahoy to Smudgie!
Smudgie is the cheerful, happy-go-lucky cook. He feeds the crew the yummiest meals and loves a good laugh. He doesn’t take anything too seriously, himself included. ⠀
Most of the day you’ll find Smudgie in his galley, surrounded by pots and pans, humming and whistling away while he stirs his delicious concoctions. If he’s not doing that, he’ll be lying in a hammock on deck, reading a cookbook. ⠀
He’s always bright and breezy, and at the center of any mischief that’s afoot. He’s the only pirate that dares to tease Cap’n Portcrash and he’ll even play the occasional prank on her. ⠀
What he doesn’t like is packet soup – and microwave meals aren’t allowed on his ship at all. He will use canned goods, but only in absolute emergencies.
Smudgie comes from a little planet at the end of the universe, where he learnt everything a top cook needs to know in the local restaurant. That’s where he first met Cap’n Portcrash (who had snuck into the pantry and was cramming a four-layer cheesecake into her mouth in one go).