The Hams­ter Dri­ve and the Hams­ter Units

Just like Cap’n Port­crash, her ship is a mys­te­ry in its­elf. ⠀

No-one has any idea whe­re its home har­bor is, or who desi­gned or built it. The only thing that is clear is that it looks like a stan­dard sai­ling ship for com­mon-or-gar­den pira­tes, but it’s cram­med to the gun­wales with tech­no­lo­gi­cal won­ders and high­ly advan­ced thinga­ma­b­obs.⠀

Of cour­se, each pira­te has their own cabin with a cozy bunk or a com­fy ham­mock, a port­ho­le with a view of the wide blue sea (also in cabins wit­hout port­ho­les) and a con­nec­tion to the cun­ning tin can pho­ne sys­tem that the crew use to keep in touch with each other.

Apart from nor­mal sai­ling, for examp­le, Cap’n Port­crash has instal­led a fur­ther means of pro­pul­si­on: the Hams­ter Dri­ve! ⠀

The Hams­ter Dri­ve is a high­ly effec­tive pro­pel­lant which can move the ship not just over water, but also into distant gala­xies. ⠀

The Hams­ter Dri­ve is a high­ly effec­tive device that can not only pro­pel the ship through water, but also to distant gala­xies.

The legen­da­ry, crack­pot and com­ple­te­ly sustainab­le pro­pul­si­on sys­tem of Cap’n Portcrash’s pira­te ship powers the crew at ins­a­ne speeds through space-time vorte­xes, over macro­wa­ves, to far-flung pla­nets and past irri­ta­ting Sunday sailors. 

It has four dif­fe­rent set­tings: fluff, hyper­f­luff, plush and tur­bop­lush; each can be set at a dif­fe­rent per­cen­ta­ge. ⠀

But if any of you think that you can set the dri­ve at 0.3% fluff mode, then sit back and munch a fish­bur­ger, you’re very much mista­ken. Even at mini­mum speeds, the Dri­ve knocks your sea­socks off. ⠀

Tra­ve­ling at full power is some­thing that sea­so­ned space­ship pira­tes can hand­le, and even they break into a cold sweat. ⠀

Hams­ter Units are the slight­ly bizar­re and high­ly unusu­al fuel used for the Hams­ter Dri­ve.⠀

A Unit of Hams­ter is incredi­b­ly power­ful, 100% sustainab­le, cau­ses 0% pol­lu­ti­on and is pro­du­ced whenever a cool kid has an ama­zing amount of fun lear­ning some­thing. ⠀

The Hams­ter Dri­ve is able to iden­ti­fy Hams­ter units that are floa­ting around in the uni­ver­se and feed them into the main pro­pul­si­on unit. ⠀

Exac­t­ly how that func­tions is unknown. You could ask Cap’n Port­crash, but she would pro­bab­ly deli­ver an hour-long lec­tu­re full of hor­ri­b­ly tech­ni­cal details that you’d only half under­stand befo­re you sim­ply fell asleep from pure con­fu­si­on.